December 30th, 2006
by rex opolis
…I know what guys want. And what Craigslist guys want is to flood my inbox with pictures of their misshapen junk.
Make me a human waffle! - 43
Bring your clothes irons and maple syrups!
I am a BDSM male bottom who would love to be turned into a human waffle by 2-5 sexy open-minded women.
No BDSM experience requred, but a little dominatrix experience would be preferred.
I want to be scalded by 3-10 clothes irons and then covered in maple syrup and powdred sugar.
This has been a fantasy since my childhood, so please be kind.
I don’t anticipate being purged of this fantasy by a one-time experience, so plase be open to a multiple-occurence encounter.
Thanks for all the fun in advance,
Love, Thomas
**********
Mmmmmmm…. waffles!
(more…)
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Posted in Craigslisting | No Comments »
December 29th, 2006
by Robert Starvation
Am I the only one whose heard enough of G. Ford for one lifetime? If memory serves, the Lincoln assassination got less media attention.
Tonight’s your last chance for a corpse view! Don’t pass up this once in a deathtime opportunity… if you can stomach 5 hours lines and no restrooms. Have fun with that.
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Posted in In Memoriam, Politics | No Comments »
December 28th, 2006
by Ryan Jovian
10. Alcoholics Anonymous Coffee. After you decide to recover, you can take up a new addiction: caffine.
9. The cover band at Agusta. Some of you may live near this establishment and are forced to listen to this guy flat his way through Better than Ezra’s “Good” and move right into a caterwauling “Brickhouse.” I don’t even want to mention their rendition of “Sweet Home Alabama.” By some of you, I mean me.
8. Driving in the valley. Seriously, until the Arizonans, Washingtonians and Oregonians leave, numb the frustration with alcohol.
7. Sunlight. IT BURNS!
6. The mess you took home from the bar. Do I need to explain this? As Jim Norton would say “toughen up and finish.”
5. Organ failure is inevitable. Might as well let your liver take the lead.
4. Other People’s Children. Your fucking hellspawn are driving me to drink. Lay into them once in a while so I don’t get the urge to bash your skull with a can of creamed corn while waiting in line at the grocery store.
3. Family. It’s the holiday season and you know you’re completely sick of your extended family. How about a nice drunken scene at one of your gatherings, to help you get through until next year.
2. New Years Celebrations. If you’re smart you will celebrate all the different culture’s New Years, to maximize your drinking potential.
1. You started an arts/culture/lifestyle magazine in the Coachella Valley. Nothing says “success” quite like strong drink. Nothing says “failure” like it either.
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Posted in Comedy | 1 Comment »
December 28th, 2006
by Robert Starvation
Sort of.
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December 27th, 2006
by Robert Starvation
10. McDonalds. If the valley absoluetly must have more fast food establishments, why doesn’t someone bring in a Popeye’s Chicken instead?
9. Golf courses. Gee, where’s all the water going?
8. Abrupt speed limit drops to 35 m.p.h. on major thoroughfares. Prolonging the time it takes to pass through Cathedral City is not going to make me want to stay any longer.
7. Noise complaints from Rancho Mirage residents. Isn’t old age supposed to make you hard of hearing? What the fuck, geriatrics?
6. Embarassing antics from the leadership of Desert Hot Springs. Even by DHS standards it has been a remarkable(ly stupid) year.
5. Anti-proposition 215 maneuvers. We can’t drive the point home enough. Fight real crime instead.
4. Continued growing irrelevance from the city of Palm Springs. Buck that trend, homies!
3. Lame slogans. “Give in to the desert. You’re surrounded” is the best you can think of?
2. Early closing times for businesses. It’s a new millenium. There are those under 40 who are actually looking for something interesting to do after 6 p.m.
1. Conservatives. Not those who identifty themselves as political conservatives (though there may be some overlap), but those who resist all change in the valley. Those who oppose growth, the influx of working families, sex shops, drive-thrus, live music, fresh leadership, business risks and my 42-step plot to become emperor of Californ-i-a.
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Posted in Coachella Valley, Comedy | 1 Comment »
