Let’s face it: substitute teachers aren’t like other educators. They come in later, leave earlier and don’t bother to learn students’ names because they’ll be babysitting a different class the following day. That, and they brazenly practice the dark arts in public schools to forever warp young Christian minds.
When is a toothpick not a toothpick? When it is actually a wizard’s staff obscured before the naked eye with a glamor most powerful. It is with this powerful instrument substitute wizards can cloak their “toothpicks” with a spell of invisibility, force middle schoolers to learn, slay dragons and grant hall pass privileges.
The one thing these magical masters are not adept at, it seems, is finding new work after being fired for wizardry.
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I show you the following, dear reader, not to decimate your retinas beyond repair, but to prove that if you can imagine something, it probably already exists on the Internet.
The worst Johansson can really be accused of, though, is overexuberant fandom. If she wasn’t making movies and laying down tracks with the dude from TV on the Radio in her downtime, she’d probably be on Deviant Art uploading MS Paint files of her and Tom as furries.
Curious about the probability of such a ghastly thing existing on Deviant Art, I set out to locate uploaded content fitting the description. Imagine my horror when I discovered an image closely fitting the description (although, as you can see, it was not made in MS Paint):
So Hillary doesn’t pump her own gas, get her own coffee, go to church or operate firearms. She’s in touch with the white working class by virtue of not being one of those effete elitist blacks who are running the country.
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San Francisco’s Presidential Memorial Commission is pondering a name change for the Oceanside Wastewater Treatment Facility: The George W Bush Sewage Plant.
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What are zombies, really? They’re brain dead eating machines left with nothing but natural instinct. Funny… that sounds a lot like what society is turning into. All in all, we might not be as far away from the Romero apocalypse as we had thought.
It would make sense that it started in Vegas. It all starts in Vegas. Pumping quarters into the slot machine for fourteen hours at a time is all that really has to go down before you turn into a mindless lump on a vinyl covered stool. Plus, who would really notice if the guy next to you took a bite out of the cocktail waitress? There’s money to be won.
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