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July 8th, 2008
Idyllic communist dream? Check. Well-endowed Communist peasants? Check. Falling bombs? Check. Hammers and anvils? Check. Zombie Stalins? Check. Aerozepplins? Check. Massive Russian Berserker Mikhail Gorbachev? Check. assive Russian Berserker Gorbochov shooting lasers from his eyes? Check. Twinkie Island? Check. Cola and Blue Jeans? Check. Food Orgy? Check.
This cringingly good Russian band pretty much killed it with this one. Enjoy spacemokneys!
July 8th, 2008
Sometimes it really is better to work primarily in the shadows and smoke-filled rooms. If you’re one of eight world leaders attending the yearly G8 summit, it’s even expected. So why is the G8 undermining its role as a secretive global cabal by giving information of any kind to the press? Despite protestations to the contrary, we don’t really want to get the nitty-gritty on the pervasive and subtle ways Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, Russia, the United Kingdom and the United States plan to exploit third world countries for the next 365 days, because there’s nothing we can do about it. It would just be rubbing it in our faces.
But G8 needs to take it further, unless they like looking foolish. After stressing the need to solve the global food crisis, they sat down to eat an 6-course lunch and 12-course dinner that included such epicurean delights as La Seule Glore Champagne, caviar, winter lily bulb and summer savory, water shield and pink conger with soy sauce vinegar, grilled bighand thornyhead fish with pepper sauce, milk-fed lamb flavored with herbs and mustard, roast lamb with cepes and black truffle, and the “G8 ‘Fantasy’ dessert. What is the G8’s fantasy? Does the dessert taste like total world domination?
This won’t do at all. The G8 members can drink the blood of laotian children from human skulls, but they need to keep it on the down-low. To do anything less is not only crass, but takes all the mystery out of the New World Order.
July 8th, 2008
As a fan of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, it’s exciting to hear they’ve set some ballpark launch dates for the rest of their ships.
One mission is set to reach the Hubble Telescope and seven Assembly Flights are planned for the International Space Station.
NASA says that they’re committed to finishing ISS and the target dates are meant to reflect that.
July 8th, 2008
Now that flower children have reached retirement age, science is getting a front and center view of what lifelong consumption of various substances does to the human body: Marijuana, LSD, psilocybin, and, most dangerously of all, tofu.
“Tofu?” you ask. “I thought it was just an annoying alternative to real food that only tasted good in miso soup!” And that’s how tofu stealthily insinuated itself into the daily diets of many hapless hippies. But as they’ve aged, the veneer has peeled back to revealing the almost satisfying truth: Tofu is cubed-shaped evil incarnate, a “food” whose steady consumption increases the risk of dementia.
It does explain so much about old hippies… well, as much as old hippies can be explained.