Clueless
August 19th, 2008
At first I thought Robert Downey Jr. was just the dumbest person on the planet, then I remembered all the drugs and hookers and stuff. It’s no wonder he can’t seem to understand The Dark Knight.
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20th Century Fucks
August 19th, 2008
20th Century Fox is trying to ruin your March. A judged ruled yesterday that 20th Century Fox can proceed with litigation against Warner Bros. over the upcoming Zack Snyder adaptaion of Alan Moore and Dave Gibbon’s seminal work Watchmen. Fox contends that Warner never had the rights to make the film and is infringing on their copyright. Warner contends that Fox is being ridiculous and wanted to suit thrown out. I dunno about you, but the studio who’s greatest achievment in the last year was an animated raping of a classic Dr. Seuss book probably shouldn’t be pissing off fans of comic movies, a few months before they release Wolverine. The judge ignored Warner’s motion to dismiss allowing Fox to continue their lawsuit. Unfortuneatly for Fox, they can’t escape the court of public opinion.
Olympic Update
August 19th, 2008
American Gymnast Alicia Sacromone did not place at all on her vault. While her vault was not gold status, Cheng Fei landed on her knees and almost planted her face on the floor, and still she got the bronze. Dumb. Alicia was cheated.
Nastia Liukin was cheated out of her gold medal yesterday. He Kexin’s routine had more errors, and yet she managed to tie with Liukin. Apparently the judges have a habit of unfairly judging some of the athletes. But then again, Liukin isn’t Chinese, so why would they give her extra points?
If one more 12-year-old Chinese gymnast forces me to listen to their anthem, I swear I’ll send them back my t.v.
WTF, vol. 2
August 19th, 2008
And now, keeping up with keeping up, I bring you the second consecutive edition of WTF!? I just so happened to have gotten two excellent questions from my first article, so I will answer those, plus one or two others that I shall come up with much like the last ones. Question the first is actually one of those ones that I should have thought of originally, because I do get asked it quite often…
If I get my dick pierced, will I pee out of every hole?
Depending on the type of piercing it is, the answer is yes! Just think of how exciting it is to have your own private fountain every time you take a piss! The catch is is that the piercing has to go through the urethra, like the ever popular Prince Albert, Dolphin, or Jacob’s Ladder. But don’t worry about it too much. Urine is totally sterile and actually helps clean the wound more than anything. The only thing that would cause a problem is if there is some type of bladder infection that could then pass through the urine and into the wound.
Engage!
August 19th, 2008
Fire up the dilithium crystals, and tell your helmsman to plot a course for the future! Scientists believe that a “Star Trek like” warp drive is possible. Through the use of Dark Energy, it’s believed one can compress space in front of you and expand it behind you, much in the same way our universe expanded faster than light immediately after the Big Bang and speeds up as our universe expands as time goes on.
Breaking relativistic speeds isn’t easy though; in fact, it’s impossible in flat, not warped space. Utilizing the theorized yet not often used 10th dimension to wrap space, you can break any of of Einstein’s laws you wish. All you need is a push equal to converting all of Jupiter into energy. No biggie, right?
The only drawback is the Bush Administration has added the Klingons to the Axis of Evil.