If you thought Justin Timberlake couldn’t further infect the media with his whiny, Michael Jacksonesque displays of crotch grabbing and odd dance moves, you were wrong.
The ex-’N*Sync heartthrob was approached by the production company Reveille, known for adapting foreign TV show scripts for the US television audience. J. Timbo will be executive producer of a show that’s been a smash hit in Peru since last July, titled and translated to, “My Problem With Women.”
I think it’s a bad idea for Timberlake to front a show like this. It may prove to be a reflection on his own failed relationships with Britney Spears (of all people) and - WTF? - Cameron Diaz? Wow, I really have been behind on my tabloid trash news. Anyway, the show will be about a man in his 30s named Jose who takes it upon himself to see a psychiatrist to help him figure out why he can never have a lasting relationship with girls. With a production company who’s released such acclaimed shows such as “The Office” and “Ugly Betty”, one can only hope that with Timbo leading the way, the show won’t ever resort to making Jose wear a box strapped around his waist.
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I know this may shock some, but secretly I held out hope within my heart that someday Sean William Scott and Dwayne Johnson would again team up for a film like they did in The Rundown. Why do you ask? Because Dwayne Johnson is our only hope for an action star, and he does a damn fine job.
Remember back when Ahhhnold would garble some lines he couldn’t pronounce and then cut a guy in half? Do you long for the days when Bruce Willis was less “hip” and more “cool”, firing off one liners and busting caps into German bank robbers, totally devoid of footwear? I sure do. Whatever happened to that? Now it seems they try to create action stars out of the completely wrong type of actor. Look at the new Batman. While Christian Bale is one of my favorites, they have to use more movie magic mojo on him that they would if Bale was your traditional action star. Steven Seagal didn’t use computer generated graphics, just some sturdy wire, a handful of hair grease and some liberally applied action star dialog, and he could churn out a couple of movies a year.
That is why I am glad we have Dwayne Johnson. Not only does he look like an action star, he can act like an action star… and surprisingly, he’s a better actor than most actions stars, taking on roles you wouldn’t think to see him in (I am not referring to his short stint as a CG scorpion, that shit was bogus and lets just move on now, shall we?). I think a good action star is what America needs right now… well, besides sound foreign policy, habeas corpus and an economy that doesn’t suck a dick… other than that, Dwayne Johnson is what we need.
Besides, he is in Southland Tales with Justin Timberlake. How much cooler can you get? Check out the preview below.
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All of the greatest boy bands of the mid-ninties and the craze that accompanied them is the result of one man’s pervish, pedophilic obsession with teenage boys. Don’t you feel a little dirty, dear reader, now that you know you contributed to the victimization of young pop idols? Lou Pearlman was the mastermind behind the biggest bands of the nineties: *NSYNC and Backstreet Boys. Pearlman was also a pederast who preyed upon the young boys he managed.
“I would absolutely say the guy was a sexual predator. All the talent knew what Lou’s game was,” Steve Mooney, an aspiring singer who was Pearlman’s assistant, told VF’s Bryan Burrough. “Some guys joked about it. I remember [one singer] asking me, ‘Have you let Lou [fellate] you yet?’”
Every lovestruck teenage girl who bought a Backstreet Boys CD was helping Lou rape Nick Carter a little more. Every ticket sold ensured the repeated abuse of JC Chazez. Week after week, these bands occupied the top of the charts, in order that a sweaty, aging mogul could gobble their talented knobs. Every music video shot was not only designed to entice young girls to buy records, but served as masturbatory material for a greasy, bald kid toucher.
Nick’s mom, Jane Carter, wouldn’t get into specifics, but said, “Certain things happened and it almost destroyed our family. I tried to warn everyone. I tried to warn all the mothers . . . I tried to expose him for what he was years ago.”
The one piece of solace Re:Generator has is that Pearlman wasn’t able to victimize J Timbo. Due to his extreme fitness from his dance-fueled live show, Justin could easily use the power of dance to lull Pearlman into a trance and still have the energy to jump out a bathroom window. He didn’t make it out completely unscathed though, as Timberlake revealed in a 2006 Rolling Stone interview:
“I was being monetarily raped by a Svengali”.
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You promised that, and I quote, “If Kanye West sells more records than 50 Cent on September 11, I’ll no longer (perform) music. I’ll write music and work with my other artists but I won’t put out any more solo albums.” September 11 rolled around, and the infinitely more talented Kanye’s album not only surpassed your own in popularity, he flattened you by 200,000 more copies in first day sales.
This is what happens when you run your mouth, Fiddy. Did you think your “magic stick” would save you? Were you under the mistaken impression that when you were shot, the bullets released talent into your bloodstream? You should just quit music altogether. You know as well as the rest of the world does that it’ll only be a matter of time before you try to stroke your ego with another stupid contest, and you. will. loose. As you find yourself slipping out of the public spotlight, you’ll challenge Christina Aguilera in a bet to see who the public finds the prettiest, or Justin Timberlake to an acting showdown. Both will have predictable results.
The future looks grim for you. Not “I just got capped nine times” grim, but still. You lost, and everyone knows it. Now man up and step down.
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